It’s hard to believe summers almost over already. I let Ryan have his cousin and a friend stay over tonight since they’re all going back to school so soon. It also got him out of my hair while I cleaned the entire house. That took me about 4 hours. My fault for being lazy and playing too many games lately. I’m also still always stuck at the pool watching Ryan and his friends. Ryans swimming amazingly. He put on about 20 pounds this summer and is finally normal weight. He used to be a bone rack.

I’ve been taking a lot of pictures of Ryan swimming since he can swim fine in the deep end alone now.

Ryan and I have been playing way too much essencero. It’s a midrate server so its fun and easy to level. I’m also playing Aion again with Justin. and maybe WOW soon. Speaking of Justin, we’re back together!!! and really happy. He’s visiting in September. And he just got me amazing comfortable new sheets and a new air filter for my room!

I don’t know what’s come over Ryan but he’s been so good the past two days. He helped me pollish ALL the furniture in the entire house and cleaned his room spotless. I couldn’t even believe it. I wonder how long it will last?

My Dr is amazing. She upped my ativan to 1 MG and now I’m only having about 3 panic attacks a day instead of having them all day. I’m hoping once I start counseling they’ll stop completely. Still no bad side effects from celexa either.

Still playing Ragnarok. I like this server a lot.

I need to dye my hair again. The pool is turning it green. It faded from dark brown to light brown in no time at all. I need some kind of dark golden brown color that wont fade so fast. It’s bleached underneath so nothing is holding. Remind me to never bleach my hair white or dye it black again.

I started playing Ragnarok Online again with Justin and Ryan. This servers pretty cool. http://phoenix-ro.net/ It’s 25x so it’s pretty easy to level. Unless you’re 8 like Ryan and only want to play on dumb servers where you kill a poring and hit 99 XD. This servers still new. I think it just opened in June. You should all come play!!!!!!

I made an alchemist and I’m 94 already so I’ll be a creator soon. It’s been raining for two days so I haven’t been stuck at the pool with the kids and actually had some free time for once.

I finally found the charger for my digital camera. It was packed in some random box. I wish I found it earlier when all the random trees around here still had flowers on them. Anyway here’s some outside pictures of the new house. ( Click the thumbnails for larger images. )

Things are going really good. I completely quit drinking. It’s been over two weeks since I started my new medication and I haven’t wanted a drink since. Thank god. I can’t even stand myself when I’m drunk so sorry to all of you around me who had to deal with that binge.

This medication really works. My anxiety had gotten so bad I was having attacks all day every day and couldn’t sleep or hardly even leave my house. My chest was constantly tight and it constantly felt like I was suffocating or having a heart attack. My mind was racing non stop and I was paranoid about everyone and everything. It was exhausting and ridiculous! So that’s why I was drinking to try to unwind at night but then I was drinking too much and acting like an idiot and just making everything even worse.

Luckily my Mothers doctor accepted me as a patient at just the right time. She put me on Celexa. I was nervous about taking it since I’ve been off and on anti depressants ever since I was 11 and all they ever did was make me feel worse, but she said this was different and she was right. At first it didn’t help because it takes a while to build up in your system, but she gave me ativan for emergency panic attacks. So the first week I was taking both. Now I don’t have to take the ativan every day tho.

I still get bad anxiety some days but it isn’t near as bad as before. I’m hoping the more this medication enters my system the less I’ll have to take the ativan. I also stay away from things that trigger anxiety like caffeine and the computer. Which is why I haven’t been online much at all.

I’ve been teaching Ryan how to swim in the deep end of my Nana’s pool. He’s doing awesome but I don’t let him alone in the deep end without swimmies just yet. He should be able to by the end of the summer though. And I’m going to put him in swimming lessons at the YMCA during the winter so he won’t forget everything he learned while it’s freezing all winter.

I scheduled my road test.. It’s embarrassing to admit but I never got my license. My anxiety was always too bad to drive. Since it’s gotten better I’ve been driving a lot. My permit is still good until the 15th and I managed to get a road test scheduled for the seventh. I had the local driving school instructor take me out in thier car today to evaluate me just to make sure I was doing everything right. The car was much easier to parallel park than the station wagon I’d been practicing in. In Massachusetts you can’t pass a road test without parallel parking. He said I drove fine and that I don’t need any lessons and that they’ll pick me up an hour before my test so I can warm up. Then they’ll take me to my road test. This is awesome because now I don’t have to rent a car for it. You have to have an emergency brake in the middle to take a road test in Massachusetts and no one I know has a car like that. I really hope I pass. I’m too old to not have my god damn license!

My cousins Teeny and Dylan ( Jesse’s little brother and sister ) were here for the past 4 days. They came up from North Carolina. They left today. I wish they could have stayed longer.